Dear fourth hokage
by cliffertje
Summary: "I keep on wondering what have I done, to make you hate me so much, that you doomed me when I was not even a day old."


Dear fourth hokage,

when people people would get two pictures, one of me and one of you, and lay them next to each other, one would see the similarities. We both have blond hair to start with the most obvious one. Yours is longer though, but if you cut it a bit shorter, I'm sure it would stick in all directions like mine. We also both have blue eyes, though mine might be a shade darker, depending on the light. Finally, we have the same nose. So really, I have at least half your face.

That is were the similarities end though. We may be physically alike in some ways, but in the end I'm nothing like you. I wish I was, but I'm just not.

I've heard the stories about you. People always tell them with proud voices because you were their hokage and they loved you. You created some of the best jutsus ever, and by doing so, almost time travelled. You were the hero that saved people, not just in battle. I know you took Kakashi-sensei in when he was younger and alone. I also know how he still misses you. Even after all those years, you are still cherished.

That is exactly why we are nothing alike. I'm hated, while you were loved. When you sacrificed your life for the village, you became their hero. When you made me do the same, I became the monster. That is all they see me as. They don't know my name and don't try to remember. 'Demon' is the only name I seem to ever need.

What did you think, when you sealed the Nine-Tails into me? Did you think about the Hidden Leaf? Did I, and my life after my birthday even cross your mind? Or did you already hate me as much as the villagers do today? Maybe you just didn't care. I was just born and you didn't know me, or who I would become. Maybe I was just another baby, only special because you decided to doom him to a life of hatred.

They beat me.

They kick and hit and scream. I know there are ANBU. I know they are watching while I fall down yet again. I have seen the shoes of people, racing towards me way to many times. I've felt the fists coming in contact with my face ever since I can remember. There are words etched into my skin. Some of them I carved myself, some of them are carved by people who I hadn't know existed up till that point.

 _Monster. Demon. Worthless._

They tell me to die. At first, I resisted. I ran though the streets and hid in the shadows. Some of them are ninjas. Some of them were your friends. Over time, I got better at hiding. I also got better at not caring at all. Even though I heard them approach, I just didn't bother. They would catch up and I wouldn't run. Now, when they tell me to die, I tell them to kill me. They say they will but never follow through. It is their way of torturing me. Why let me rest to find peace, if they can make sure right here I'll pay for eternity. They can't keep me here forever though, one day surely, I'll die. Maybe then I'll meet you and maybe then you could make me understand why I had to be the one to be cursed. Or maybe I wouldn't see you, maybe I wouldn't see any one at all. Maybe I would finally be alone.

I'm never alone, you made sure of that. The Nine-Tail is always there, talking to me. I feel his hatred and it burns. It's like a toxic running through my veins every moment of the day. It's weird how you can used to pain, yet it still hurts so much whenever you realize it is there. Most of the time it is random though. Like the fox has remembered something that makes him even more mad then he already is, and he wants me to know. Just like he will tell me every chance he gets that he hates me. And I suppose it is to be expected. The Nine-Tails hates everybody, doesn't he? He is made out of the hatred of humans. Still, he hates me not just because, he hates me because I'm alive. He hates me because I'm in his way to freedom. He hates me even more then he hates the rest of the world. He whispers it when they beat me and screams when I try to sleep. It hurts.

Everything hurts, and everything keeps on hurting. And I keep on wondering what have I done, to make you hate me so much, that you doomed me when I was not even a day old. I know I'm not ever getting an answer.

Maybe we are alike after all. You sacrificed yourself and gave your soul to the shinigami, to relive your fight with the fox for all eternity. These people make sure it is the same for me. Together with the fox, each day is the same as the day before. Nothing will ever change. Just like you, I'm stuck. Just how did you ever accept that faith?


End file.
